Can You ACTUALLY Reinvent Yourself?

Everyone loves a good story about a person who reinvents themselves. Just look at what happens in the movies, especially romantic comedies. Looking at it, you'd think that you can just hit delete on your old self and become some sort of new and improved version who runs marathons and has plants in their apartment. That doesn't happen in real life, though.

You can erase your personality or habits with the flip of a switch. Your anxiety still catches up with you at 2 AM, you still have that same sharp tongue that gets you in trouble, and you still prefer coffee over matcha.

That being said, change is absolutely possible if you treat it the right way. You have to realize that some changes happen because a new routine (like moving or getting a divorce) forces you to make them. 

The catch is, although a clean slate is nice to have, it's just that. A slate. It's up to you what you do with it.

What Changes When You 'Reinvent' Yourself

If you ask someone what their identity is, they'd start talking to you about how they are as a person. But personality is just one part of your identity; it's not the whole thing. Aside from personality, your identity also includes your relationships, roles, routines, values, and so on. 

That's why, when you decide to make a big change in your life, it changes the way you see yourself, but your personality usually stays the same. Take a moment and think about how you see yourself.  What do you identify with? Is it your job, perhaps? 

Maybe you see yourself as a big shot manager, so if you change careers, you lose more than a job. You lose status and daily structure, and all of a sudden, you have to figure out who you are without that title you've gotten so used to. The foundation of how you understand yourself gets shaky, so this isn't a small loss.

It's the same if you reverse this. Let's say you've been a couch potato for the past 10 years, and now you've decided to be more active. 

At first, working out seems like this new thing you're trying to do, but as time goes on, it changes the way you see yourself. You become an active person, someone who works out and pays attention to their health more than the average Joe. That one single thing changed who you are, and since your self-perception is different, exercising starts to feel a lot more natural.

But here's the catch. Reinvention doesn't equal performance. This basically means that if you cover yourself in brand new clothes, or you move into a new place, or you buy a different car – sure, it looks like something's changing – but that's just the mask that has changed. What's underneath that mask has (most likely) stayed the same. Your behavior hasn't changed.

Real change – the type of change that sticks with you long-term – comes slowly, and it comes in layers. One good example of deliberate identity change is a person deciding to go into recovery. 

An addict, for instance, has a major life change ahead of them once they decide to get better. The good thing is that we have faith-based addiction counseling in Florida, so they wouldn't have to travel very far. Still, they'd have to rethink everything about their life: their routines, relationships, places, coping mechanisms, etc.

If, however, you keep in mind that everyday behavior makes identity stronger, then changing where (and with whom!) those behaviors happen can make reinvention a lot easier.

When Does Reinvention Become Real?

Those first few weeks after you've made a big life change are awesome. They're usually easy, and since everything is fresh and new, they're also really exciting. You feel like a different person, which is easy if everything around you is different. But what happens when things aren't as new anymore?

That's when you know if the change is here to stay or not. An actual change is a lot less dramatic than this, especially for someone looking at it from outside.

A new apartment doesn't change who you are, but setting new boundaries or changing your daily habits? Now, those are some true changes. The moment of honesty will come once stress knocks on your door, though. 

And it will, sooner or later. What do you do then? 

It's easy to change when life is pink and happy, but actual evidence of a successful change only comes when things get hard, and you manage (or don't) to change the way you respond to it.

Conclusion

If you move to a new city or change your job, it doesn't guarantee anything. It certainly doesn't guarantee that you've reinvented yourself. True change is much deeper, and for the most part, a whole lot less visible to anyone but yourself. Reinvention is a process that never truly ends. 

It starts with making different choices, and then sticking to them through thick and thin. It's something you deliberately do every single day, when nobody's watching.

By ML staff. Images courtesy of Unsplash.